WEEK 14 - I have been — and always shall be — your friend.

[al2955]

the pygmalion. . . ONLINE CAPTAIN'S LOG: WEEK (14)

monday (41) survivors You stand with your friends, your family, and your enemies, shoulder to shoulder. The deceased and the living are the same, now, and you've been reunited with the person trapped on the opposite ship. You have four choices. Four options laid before you - five, if you're smart about it. You have the option of staying on the Nuwa, a ship pre-programmed to land somewhere safe, soon, and then it's your's for the taking. You have the option of entering the Nuwa's virtual reality and crafting your own perfect world, but knowing it was a perfect world created by your own hand. Your third option is one of the Cradles, a machine created to bring you bliss, and permit you the dream you've always wanted, without the knowledge it's a virtual reality. Your fourth option lays in front of you, on the bridge of the Nuwa, and it's a tear in the fabric of reality, but you can see your home waiting for you. It looks idyllic, perfect, just the way you'd want it to be. Your fifth option lies in another tear - the tear of a friend. Perhaps their heart is kind enough to take in a stray. The choice is your's to make, and whatever you choose, know that, for the first time in fourteen weeks, it's your choice. taken list profiles private conversations setting rulebook ENTER COMMAND_

Comments

[mnasthai]

I didn't make it up, you just didn't see all of it. [ His answer is almost offended sounding, so you hit a nerve there.]

My life story is short. I'm an artificial human created to be the vessel for someone else. I spent seven years being useless and stupid, and I'm not going back to that. He's the only one that's ever been really there for me, and that's all that matters.

[antietam]

[ He doesn't think those two personalities could coexist at all, but he'll listen to Kazuma. ]

So you're not even going to try to be your own person? [ He pauses. ] I thought you said Allen and Arumat had been there for you.

[mnasthai]

[ Sweet summer child goes insane and homicidal, pretty much. He's still that same Kazuma if you go deep down enough, it's just been overtaken by everything else.]

No it's been...awful without him. Today's the first time in a long time I've felt okay. [ It's an actual admission that's completely genuine and he looks away, because he feels like an idiot saying that aloud to Adam of all people.]

...I'm never going to see them again.

[antietam]

[ He doesn't understand it, but it doesn't seem like Kazuma is pretending. Why would he? This is the end, Adam already knows, there's no point. ]

Why was it awful? [ Why does he care? ] And you could, you know. I mean, technically. If you joined them.

[mnasthai]

Because I've been missing part of myself. It hurts, it makes everything cloudy and I hate it. I was okay at first, but when the weeks went on and on...I could feel myself slipping back to... [ He doesn't want to talk about it, and he shakes his head. Terumi was only a few rooms away after all, so he would be okay. It was all okay now.]

On the other side it was different, mostly everyone there hated me and that felt right, even if I still felt empty. [ And Allen helped him a lot too, and later Grell.]

I go wherever Terumi goes. He's the inside, I'm just the outside. [ This is why he exists.]

[antietam]

[ This all sounds pretty horrible and he's finding himself start to feel sympathy for Kazuma, which... is also horrible. He's just an 8 year old, though. A screwed up 8 year old. ]

I don't know. You said that personality wasn't fake, right? That means there's a part of you that isn't meant to be hated or whatever. There's a part that's really you, so you could never be just a vessel.

[mnasthai]

[ Maybe in some alternate timeline he doesn't feel pressured enough to take the only offer of help he has. Because after accepting Terumi's help, there really was no going back.]

Y-Yeah but- [ That actually hits him somewhere deep down and he pauses for a while.]

It doesn't matter now, does it? I can't go back to that Kazuma anymore.

[antietam]

[ Honestly, he doesn't know how this works. Maybe Kazuma really is irreversibly changed. Maybe it's pointless to try. ]

Why not? It's about choosing who you want to be.

[mnasthai]

[.....]

I just want to be me, but I don't want to be alone either. And who I really am is...

I like those things too. I like the same things he does, I like hurting people I like- I didn't used to. But now that I know what it feels like I can't forget.

[ Can't forget the feeling of being actually alive, of not having to fake smiles because you felt like it was the only way to get through things.]

[antietam]

[ He really, really shouldn't be talking to someone like this. There's a flicker of uncertainty there, but he's still curious. ]

Do you like it because it makes you feel powerful? You don't have to be alone as long as you don't isolate yourself.

[mnasthai]

No, that doesn't matter to me. [ He shakes his head to emphasize his point.]

I'm not very strong, Terumi is, but I don't care about that. I'll be alone if I don't have him because together we're complete. Like...two parts to a whole.

[antietam]

[ He could have understood if it had to do with feeling powerless, but now it's entirely lost on him. ]

So this is really the only thing you can do? [ He doesn't believe it, but Kazuma must. ]

After seeing everything that happened here, you still want to hurt people?

[mnasthai]

...I'm not good or useful for anything else. [ The answer is slower than it should be all things considered, Allen had worked with him so hard to try to help him with his major identity crisis but-- a few hours alone with Terumi and well.]

What do you mean everything that happened here? People were stupid and died, I was one of them I know, but it's still funny. Almost everyone hates me right? That's okay, I don't mind, I like it that way.

[" I like it that way because that makes things easier."]

[antietam]

Is that something he tells you? [ He really doesn't know Kazuma enough to suggest something he's better at, but he's fairly sure Kazuma isn't suited for hurting people either. ]

So if you like it when people hate you, do you dislike when they don't? Because some people are fond of you. [ FOR SOME REASON. ] Which do you prefer?

[mnasthai]

Yeah. [ It's spoken neutrally, like it was just a fact that 2+2=4.]

I...I don't get that. With Miss Grell it's okay, because she really does understand me. The other few...I don't know. I try not to think about it.

[antietam]

[ Ugh. He does understand being told he's worthless for most of his life and really believing that. ]

Just because he says it doesn't make it true. You know he's doing it to manipulate you, right? When you start thinking like that, it's easier to control you.

Grell doesn't think you're useless, right?

[mnasthai]

He doesn't need to tell me, it's always been this way. Even here without him, I couldn't do anything properly.

[ ... ]

She doesn't.